#33: Little You, Big Impact: How Inner Child Work Transforms Self-Worth
MAY 15, 2025
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Discover how connecting with your inner child can revolutionize your relationship with self-worth in this heartfelt episode of Courage to Heal.
Learn the crucial difference between self-worth and self-esteem, understand what inner child work really means, and explore practical techniques to begin healing childhood wounds that may be blocking your sense of inherent value.
Through personal stories, guided visualization, and actionable strategies, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap for moving from conditional self-worth to the unshakable knowledge that you are worthy simply because you exist. Perfect for anyone struggling with feelings of "not enough" or looking to deepen their self-compassion practice.
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Transcript
Anna: Hey there, and welcome back to another episode of Courage to Heal. I'm your host, Anna Khandrueva, and today we're diving into something really close to my heart – how inner child work can transform your sense of self-worth.
You know, I talk with so many people who struggle to feel worthy of love, happiness, or even basic respect. If you're one of those people who constantly feels like you're not enough – not smart enough, not successful enough, not attractive enough – I want you to know that you're not alone. That inner critic telling you that you don't measure up? Almost everyone has one. But today, I want to offer you a powerful tool that has helped countless people, including myself, to quiet that voice and discover their inherent worthiness.
Before we dive in, I want to acknowledge that this kind of work can bring up some big feelings. Be gentle with yourself as we explore these concepts together. Remember that healing isn't linear, and wherever you are in your journey is exactly where you need to be right now.
So let's start with the basics. What exactly is self-worth?
Self-worth is that inner knowing that you are valuable, lovable, and enough – just as you are. Unlike self-esteem, which tends to rise and fall based on your achievements or what others think of you, self-worth is about recognizing your inherent value as a human being, regardless of external factors.
Think about it this way – a diamond doesn't become more valuable when someone admires it or less valuable when it's forgotten in a drawer. Its worth is intrinsic. The same is true for you. Your worth isn't determined by your job title, your bank balance, your relationship status, or how many likes you get on social media. Your worth is innate – it's part of your humanity.
Let me break down a few key aspects of self-worth:
First, it's about recognizing your intrinsic value. You don't need to earn worthiness – you were born worthy.
Second, it's an internal sense. It's that quiet knowing in your heart that you deserve love and respect, not because of what you do, but because of who you are.
Third, it's stable. Unlike self-esteem, which can soar when you get a promotion and plummet when you make a mistake, self-worth remains steady through life's ups and downs.
Finally, it's the foundation for everything else. When you have a solid sense of self-worth, you can build genuine confidence on top of it. You can set healthy boundaries, pursue authentic relationships, and navigate challenges with resilience.
Now, you might be wondering, "How is self-worth different from self-esteem?" That's a great question.
Self-worth comes from within. It's about your inherent value as a person. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is more externally focused – it's about how you feel about your abilities, achievements, and how others perceive you.
Self-worth tends to be more stable, while self-esteem can fluctuate wildly depending on what's happening in your life. If you base your sense of value on external successes, you'll feel great when things are going well, but what happens when you face setbacks or criticism?
Let me give you an example. Imagine you apply for a job and don't get it. If your self-worth is solid, you might think, "Well, that's disappointing, but it doesn't change my value as a person. I'll learn from this and try again." If you're relying solely on self-esteem, you might spiral into thoughts like, "I'm a failure. I'll never succeed. I'm not good enough."
Self-worth is about believing in yourself, while self-esteem is about feeling good about what you do. Both are important, but self-worth is the more crucial foundation.
Now, let's talk about this concept of the "inner child." I know it might sound a bit woo-woo to some of you, but stay with me because this is powerful stuff.
Your inner child isn't actually a separate entity inside you – it's a metaphor for the childlike aspects of your personality and emotional state. It represents the memories, feelings, and beliefs that formed when you were young and that continue to influence you today.
We all have an inner child. Think about a time when you felt disproportionately upset about something seemingly small – maybe someone forgot to call you back, and you felt completely abandoned. Or perhaps you made a minor mistake at work and became convinced you were going to get fired. These intense reactions often come from our inner child.
When we're young, we're incredibly impressionable. We're like sponges, absorbing messages about ourselves and the world around us. If you grew up hearing that you were too loud, too sensitive, or not smart enough, those messages didn't just disappear as you grew up. They became embedded in your belief system, affecting how you see yourself even now as an adult.
Your inner child holds both the joy and wonder of childhood, as well as any pain or trauma you experienced. And here's the important part – that child part of you still needs care and attention, especially if your emotional needs weren't adequately met when you were young.
So what exactly is inner child work? Simply put, it's the process of connecting with, understanding, and healing that younger part of yourself. It involves acknowledging the experiences that shaped you, validating the emotions attached to those experiences, and providing yourself with the care and compassion you might have needed but didn't receive.
Inner child work isn't about blaming your parents or caregivers. Most people do the best they can with what they know and the resources they have. Rather, it's about recognizing how your early experiences influenced your beliefs about yourself and taking steps to heal any wounds that remain.
Now, you might be wondering how this connects to self-worth. The link is actually quite profound.
Many of us develop beliefs about our worthiness (or unworthiness) during childhood. If you grew up feeling consistently valued, protected, and loved unconditionally, you probably developed a strong foundation of self-worth. But if your experiences included neglect, criticism, or conditional love – being valued only when you behaved a certain way or achieved certain things – you likely internalized the belief that you had to earn your worth.
The beautiful thing about inner child work is that it gives us a chance to revisit those formative experiences and beliefs. It allows us to recognize that many of the negative messages we received weren't true, and it gives us an opportunity to provide ourselves with the validation and unconditional love we may have missed.
Let me share how inner child work affects self-worth in several important ways:
First, it helps us address unmet childhood needs. Maybe you needed to feel seen, to feel safe, or to be comforted when you were upset. By acknowledging these needs now, you can begin to fulfill them for yourself.
Second, inner child work allows us to challenge negative beliefs. Those old stories about not being enough? They're just that – stories. They're not facts, and they don't have to define you.
Third, this work develops self-compassion. Would you speak to a child the way you sometimes speak to yourself? Probably not. Inner child work encourages you to treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would naturally offer to a child.
Fourth, it builds a sense of security. When you can create a safe, supportive inner environment for your younger self, you develop a stronger sense of safety and security in general.
Finally, this work helps break negative patterns. Many of us repeat patterns in relationships or behaviors that stem from our childhood experiences. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to changing them.
I know this might all sound a bit abstract, so let's talk about some concrete ways you can begin to connect with and heal your inner child.
One powerful approach is journaling. Try writing with your non-dominant hand to access different parts of your consciousness, or write a letter to your younger self. What do you wish someone had told you when you were little? What reassurance did you need?
Visualization is another effective technique. Close your eyes and imagine yourself at a specific age – maybe a time when you felt particularly vulnerable or when something difficult happened. How does that younger you look? What are they feeling? Now imagine yourself as you are today, sitting with and comforting that child. What would you say? How would you hold space for their feelings?
Looking at and talking to your childhood pictures is another example of how you can engage in inner child work. If you have access to your own pictures at different ages, you can use those to visualize your inner child, and you can literally have a conversation with the picture where you ask questions and give reassuring and compassionate comments to the child in the picture.
Meditation can also be a doorway to inner child work. You might try a guided meditation specifically focused on connecting with your inner child, or simply set an intention to observe any childlike emotions or thoughts that arise during your practice.
Creative expression is incredibly healing for the inner child. Remember, children naturally express themselves through art, play, and imagination. Try painting, dancing, or creating a collage without worrying about the end result – just enjoy the process of expression.
And of course, therapy can be invaluable in this journey. A trained therapist, especially one who specializes in modalities like Internal Family Systems, can guide you through connecting with and healing your inner child in a safe, supported way.
Now, when I talk about inner child work, a lot of people who struggle with self-worth say that they are not sure of what they can say to their inner child that’s loving and reassuring. This is not surprising because these individuals likely grew up not hearing loving and reassuring statement from their parents.
So, let me give you some examples of what you can say to your inner child, whether it’s during a visualization or talking to your own childhood pictures.
1. "You are safe now. I'm here to protect you, and I won't let anyone hurt you again."
2. "Your feelings matter and are completely valid. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling."
3. "You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love. I love you exactly as you are."
4. "What happened wasn't your fault. You did the best you could with what you knew."
5. "You are enough, just as you are. Your worth has never depended on what you do or achieve."
These statements acknowledge the core needs that many inner children long for: safety, validation, unconditional love, absolution from blame, and inherent worthiness. When using these affirmations, try saying them slowly and gently while visualizing your younger self. You might find it helpful to place a hand over your heart as you speak these words, creating a physical connection to the emotional comfort you're offering.
Remember that consistency matters in this practice. Your inner child may not believe these statements right away, especially if they've heard the opposite messages for years. With patient repetition, though, these new affirming messages can begin to replace the old harmful beliefs.
I want to share a bit of my own experience with this work, if that's okay.
For years, I struggled with a persistent feeling that I needed to be perfect to be worthy of love. That came from having a perfectionistic, demanding father and a loving but judgmental mother.
I would work myself to exhaustion trying to please everyone, afraid that if I ever disappointed someone, they would abandon me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was operating from a wounded inner child who had learned that love was conditional.
My journey with inner child work began when a therapist asked me to bring in a childhood photo. Looking at that picture of myself at five years old – those hopeful eyes, that open heart – something cracked open in me. Would I ever tell that little girl that she was only lovable if she was perfect? Of course not. So why was I telling myself that now?
That realization began a practice of checking in with my younger self when making decisions or responding to challenges. When I felt that familiar anxiety rising – that fear of not being enough – I would pause and ask, "What does little me need right now?" Usually, the answer wasn't "to work harder" or "to be perfect." It was to feel safe, to rest, to play, to be accepted just as I am.
Over time, this practice has transformed my relationship with myself. My worth is no longer tied to my productivity or others' approval. That's not to say I don't still struggle sometimes – we all do. But the foundation has shifted from conditional to unconditional worth.
Before we wrap up, I'd like to guide you through a simple exercise to connect with your inner child. If you're driving or doing something that requires your full attention, feel free to come back to this later.
Find a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths. Allow your body to relax and your mind to quiet.
Now, bring to mind an image of yourself as a child – whatever age comes to mind first. See this younger you as clearly as possible. What are you wearing? What expression is on your face?
As you connect with this image of your younger self, notice what feelings arise. Is there tenderness? Sadness? Protectiveness? Just notice without judgment.
Now imagine that you can communicate directly with this child version of yourself. What would you like to say? Perhaps there's something this child needs to hear – that they are loved, that they are safe, that what happened wasn't their fault.
Take a moment to listen, too. Does your inner child have something to tell you? What do they need?
As we close this visualization, imagine embracing your inner child with complete acceptance and love. Know that you can return to this practice anytime.
As we come to the end of today's episode, I want to emphasize that inner child work isn't about getting somewhere or fixing something broken. It's about remembering who you've always been beneath the wounds and conditioning – someone inherently worthy of love and belonging.
This work takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself as you explore these tender places. Some days will feel easier than others, and that's okay. Healing isn't linear.
I also want to acknowledge that while the practices we discussed today can be powerful, some childhood trauma may require professional support. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by emotions that come up during inner child work, please reach out to a therapist or counselor who can guide you safely through this process.
Remember that you're not alone on this journey. Each of us carries an inner child, and each of us is learning to heal and love those younger parts of ourselves.
Next week, we'll be talking about navigating grief. Until then, I invite you to practice speaking to yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a child or adult you love. Notice when your inner critic pipes up, and see if you can respond with compassion instead.
Thank you for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And remember – you are worthy, not because of anything you've done or will do, but simply because you exist. Your worthiness is your birthright.
I hope you leave this episode feeling a little more empowered. Remember, healing takes time, and you are exactly where you need to be. Take care of yourselves and until we meet again, be kind to your heart.
