S1:E8 - Healing Bipolar Through Lifestyle Changes

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In this powerful episode of Courage to Heal, host Anna Khandrueva, psychotherapist and mental health advocate, explores how intentional lifestyle changes can support healing and stability for those living with bipolar disorder. Anna begins by sharing the "Four S's" of self-care—Sleep, Substance Use, Stress, and Support—and why they are essential pillars for managing bipolar symptoms.

Joining Anna is Jess Kanotz, a mental health advocate and creator of Our Bipolar, who lives with bipolar I disorder. Jess shares her deeply personal journey from early diagnosis and challenging medication experiences to the transformative power of finding the right treatment and making lifestyle adjustments. She opens up about the importance of sleep routines, managing stress, maintaining boundaries with media and relationships, and why she decided to go public with her diagnosis later in life.

Together, they discuss the realities of living with bipolar, the challenges of parenting and working full-time with the condition, and the courage it takes to create a fulfilling life. Jess’s story is a testament to resilience, self-awareness, and hope—and offers actionable advice for anyone looking to manage bipolar disorder more holistically.

If you're seeking inspiration, community, and practical steps toward healing, this conversation is for you.

Episode Notes

You can find Jess on Instagram and Facebook @ourbipolar. You can also check out her YouTube videos and read her blog.

Transcript

Anna: Welcome to Courage to Heal a podcast where we explore the battles we wage within ourselves. I am your host Eva, a psychotherapist, and a mental health advocate. This is season one, episode eight, healing Bipolar Through Lifestyle Changes.

Hello to all of you and welcome to our conversation about healing bipolar through lifestyle changes. When we talk about bipolar, we mention medication as the first line of treatment. This is true for most of us living with bipolar. However, not everyone wants to take medication and not everyone can take it.

There are also those of us who do take medication, but want to know what else they can do to feel better. The truth is there are many actions you can take to improve your symptoms. We can place them all under the very broad umbrella of self-care. Self-care is a lot more than bubble baths and vacations, although those are nice.

Self-care is a systemic and multi-dimensional approach to promoting wellness in oneself. It involves making personal choices and taking intentional actions daily. To protect and improve your health. Simply put, self-care is about seeing yourself as worthy of looking after and then making conscious changes that prioritize your wellbeing.

When it comes to bipolar, there are four big areas of self-care. I call them the four S's. My guest today alludes to all of them, but let's take a deeper look before we listen to her. Wonderful advice. The first S stands for sleep. Sleep disturbance is a major factor in bipolar. We usually sleep very little when manic or hypomanic, and we tend to oversleep when depressed.

Having an irregular sleeping schedule can trigger episodes and make you miserable. Maintaining a healthy sleep routine and hygiene is very important. This includes things like going to bed and waking up at roughly the same time every day, eating dinner at least two hours before bed, not using devices with screens for at least an hour before bed, and creating wind down rituals to let your body know it's time for sleep.

The second S stands for substance use. People with bipolar tend to self-medicate a lot. At least 40% of us get diagnosed with some kind of substance use disorder. The most common substance of choice is alcohol, followed by cannabis, cocaine, and opioids. Excessive substance use can cause a longer and more severe episodes can decrease our compliance with medication, increase our suicidal behavior and result in an overall lower quality of life.

Substance use is a huge trigger for symptoms. Simply put, reducing your substance use or quitting altogether must be a priority if you want to remain stable. The third S is for stress. Any kind of stress, whether it's related to big negative events like losing a loved one, positive events like weddings and vacations, or prolonged pressure from mundane sources like work and family can set off episodes.

You can approach stress management from two ends. One is to reduce the overall level of stress in your life, and the other is to increase your resilience through the use of coping skills. Decreasing stress may look like. Avoiding frequent changes in schedule, taking small breaks, switching work from in-person to virtual, avoiding heavy social media use, and simply asking for help.

Some coping skills include setting boundaries, exercise, spending time in nature, arts and crafts. Journaling, listening to music, laughing, breathing exercises, and a healthy expression of emotions. Avoiding a victim's mindset is important here. You must switch from asking why me to asking what can I do about this?

Finally, the last S stands for support. Social support is associated with better outcomes for bipolar. We can usually find that support in three places. Therapy support groups and friends and family therapy can be a very helpful tool in managing bipolar symptoms. Simply receiving psychological education from a knowledgeable professional can reduce the occurrence of episodes and the risk of hospitalization.

Some helpful therapies include interpersonal and social rhythm therapy, or I-P-S-R-T, which was created specifically for bipolar cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT and dialectical behavioral therapy or DBT. There is also family focused therapy for bipolar, which involves the whole family or one's romantic partner.

Support groups are often overlooked, yet they provide incredible relief. Being with people who share your struggles and hearing their encouragement goes a long way in making you feel less alone and increasing your quality of life. I will link to some virtual support groups in the show notes. Family and friends can be a great source of support, but they can also cause stress.

It all depends on how accepting and understanding they are of your diagnosis. Supportive friends are worth their weight in gold. If you have them hold onto them with all your might. Sometimes opening up to friends about having bipolar and asking them for help can make a huge difference. People are often capable of great compassion if only we give them a chance.

I hope this was a helpful overview of self-care for bipolar. The most important part here is making the decision to take intentional action to be better. Bipolar is not our fault, but it is our responsibility. We did not ask for this burden, but we must face it and do our best to manage it. It is your life and you only get to live it once.

It is ultimately up to you to make these lifestyle changes. I've said it several times, but please don't be afraid to ask for help. There are many advocates out there like myself who will be happy to lend a helping hand in whatever way we can. Without further ado, let's listen to today's guest and her story of healing.

Today I am interviewing Jessica Connotes, a mental health advocate who lives with bipolar disorder, type one. Jessica loves to spread awareness about her bipolar through her blog, YouTube channel, and Instagram on these platforms. Jessica shares not only her adversities, but also her story of recovery.

Jessica, welcome to Courage to Heal. It's wonderful to have you here.

Jess: Thanks, Anna. Actually, you can just call me Jess. Everybody calls me Jess.

Anna: Perfect. I will call you Jess. So Jess, maybe you can start by telling my listeners a bit about yourself.

Jess: Sure. So I am a wife. Actually, my anniversary is tomorrow.

I've been married for 12 years and I'm a mom to a 6-year-old girl. And I work full-time as I'm a managing editor for two scientific journals. I've been working with my organization for many years, and as you said, I have bipolar one, so a lot goes into that. You know, there's lots of changes I have to make and I have to be constantly aware of, not.

Having symptoms and just trying to avoid them as much as possible.

Anna: Yeah. And you've known for a while that you have bipolar, but you chose to go public later in life. What was it like for you to find out initially and what was it like to actually announce it to the world? I.

Jess: Well, when I initially found out I had bipolar one, I was still in college and back then there was no social media, so I didn't have the opportunity to go out and talk to other people that had bipolar.

Honestly, I didn't know anyone else who had bipolar until I was 40 years old whenever I, you know, finally went public. So when I did find out I had bipolar, well, to be honest, I don't remember. Finding out I had bipolar I was still in the throes of mania at that time, and I think I was still taking tranquilizers to try to, you know, get back to stable.

But when I, you know, did realize what was happening, I knew it was extreme, extremely traumatic. It felt like my life changed. Overnight. I went from being a college student to being unable to stay in college. I felt like I lost my friends overnight, which was actually, I. Pretty silly because my friends kept calling me and calling me when I was home and I was avoiding all their calls.

'cause I was embarrassed and ashamed and really I pushed them away. You know, they didn't push me away, they just eventually stopped calling 'cause I wouldn't answer the phone. So it was really hard for me. You know, I had. I kind of had like a vision what my life would be like. I thought I would go to college.

I thought I would have a career. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do, but I, you know, I'd always done well in school and I, I never really had, I. Any major problems. So for this to come and hit me, it was like I got hit with a Mack truck and I suddenly had this whole different life that I, and I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to identify my triggers. I really wasn't. I, my first psychiatrist, I, I don't believe what did a very good job in treating me. I was put on medications that did not work and I was on some form of those medications for about eight or nine years. So during that time, I.

You know, I definitely had rapid cycling. At the very least, I think the meds actually pushed me at certain points into like ultra rapid, probably maybe even ultradian cycling, especially in those beginning couple years when I was, I did go back to college. I actually changed schools and I went to a school in my hometown so I could live at home.

It was, and I changed my major. You know, I had to do a lot of things just for the bipolar, just to get through school, and it was difficult. I mean, it was hard giving up the life I had before. And so, yeah, like it took eight or nine years before I finally found a psychiatrist who really kind of knew what I needed.

Before that I actually went off all medication at one point because I thought, this is not helping me. Like it just didn't feel like I'm not a doctor and I don't think anyone should go off their medication. I'm not saying anyone should do that, but for me at that time, it was sort of the only way I knew to protest.

And so I went off medication. I was off for almost a year before I actually started having, you know, mania and other bipolar symptoms. So that's when I found a new doctor and I got on some amazing medications and since then my life completely changed. It really was startling how quickly I. Became just back to my old self in a way.

I mean, I, I'll never go back to the person I was before my diagnosis, but within a year I started working at the company that, you know, I still work for. I met my husband and I was able to resume, feel like I re could resume life. Although I still had, you know, I still, I. It's gonna have symptoms here and there, but I felt like I sort of became what people talk about it, like more high functioning and then going public.

So once I, you know, finally, you know, was doing much better. And like I said, I, I met my husband, we got married. I, I went on for a little while after that sort of like feeling like, okay, I can kind of pass. As neurotypical now, like I didn't, I still wasn't ready to face the fact that I had bipolar publicly, and time went on a little bit and then I had my daughter, and I think that was really a pivotal time for me, and I became.

I started becoming very proud of the fact that I had bipolar and I was doing relatively well. I mean, it was never gonna be a perfect life. It was never gonna be like I was neurotypical. But I wanted to show her and kind of show the world that you can live well with bipolar, you can have a good life, and I just.

I just had a whole different outlook and I actually came to that realization probably a few years before I went public, but I waited because, you know, because I have bipolar, I wanted to be sure and do it in a very responsible way and do it in a way that. I was the least likely to have symptoms, so I worked with my psychiatrist for a very long time on, you know, how I was gonna craft this message, why I was doing it, should I do it, all of those things.

And then I was going to do it around the time I was 39, and then my dad actually had surgery. I just thought, this is not the time, you know, like I shouldn't add something else again because I'm very careful because of my bipolar. So it ended up being when I was 40 that I put out a series of Facebook posts on my birthday and it sort of worked out nicely because, you know, 40 is a nice round number for a birthday and I put out I think seven different posts.

Announcing I had bipolar, also explaining what bipolar is talking about, what happened, why I got diagnosed, that whole story. Talking about my psychiatrist and my family. Lots of different things. And then that's when I started, you know, my blog are bipolar and I have, you know. I talk a lot on Facebook and Instagram, of course, and then I started the YouTube channel, so that kind of leads us up to today.

Anna: Yeah, it sounds like that first diagnosis, it was really rough for you in college. So knowing what you know now, what would you tell your old self back then? Gosh,

Jess: I would've told myself to not ignore the nagging feeling that. There could be other medications, there could be other treatment that could be helping me more because I went on with I, I was initially on a mood stabilizer as well as an antidepressant.

I. I know for most people with bipolar one, at least for me, I should not have been on an antidepressant. And I believe it was causing the cycling, the more rapid cycling. I eventually came off of that antidepressant and then there were lots of other like little things being added and subtracted for those eight years.

But that mood stabilizer that I started with never changed. I stayed on that the whole time. You know, it, it was, it was just a terrible life during that time because, especially the mood stabilizer, it wasn't really helping me, but it was giving me side effects where I was sleeping so much that I couldn't be, I, I couldn't be woken up by an alarm, like an alarm clock.

I couldn't, you know, it, it was, I just kind of went on and even though I did change psychiatrists, you know, the second psychiatrist didn't take me off of it. And I feel like it's very important to trust your gut and it took me a really long time to trust my gut. And I think that is something that I really, I really needed.

And I also think, you know, I was in my twenties when I got diagnosed. Well, I was. I was 19, I was just about to turn 20. And at that time it was so important to me to have friends and to still have those kinds of relationships. And I also thought that I had to still do all the things that everyone else was doing.

Like I thought that I had to stay out late and, you know, go to go to nightclubs and go drinking and all of these things. I thought it was important to me. To still be that normal 20 something year old. And I know now that was putting me in a terrible place and it was causing more bipolar symptoms. And I, I wish I knew that I didn't, I just didn't have to do those sort of things to have friends and to have, you know, relationships and boyfriends, things like that.

Anna: Yeah, I can, you know, as I remember my youth, I can relate to that a lot. 'cause for me, my symptoms started when I was a teenager and I had no clue. I had bipolar, I didn't get diagnosed until I was 33. And I happened to be in the country at that point where drinking age was 15. So drinking was something that you could legally do.

Partying was something that was really popular and I do remember absolutely wanting to be a part of that crowd, wanting to be, I. At least somewhat popular and fit in, which was done through partying, and that definitely did not help symptoms.

Jess: Exactly. I mean, and it's, it's so difficult because at that age, I mean, that's all you want to do is like do, is just to fit in and just to have fun and I, I would have such anxiety over like, I don't have enough friends or I don't have as many friends as that person does.

And I, it, it seems silly now, but it really was important at that time.

Anna: Right. Comparison is the name of the game. When you're that age, it's very important to fit in for sure. So Jess, what is it like for you to experience some of the symptoms of bipolar one, specifically mania and depression? I.

Jess: Well, since I got on the different mood stabilizer, that was about 16 years ago, I actually don't experience full blown mania anymore.

I mean, it's amazing. I do experience hypomania. But before that, when I would experience the, the real full blown mania, I mean. It was all the, you know, textbook symptoms that you know about. So I, you know, would need very little sleep or, you know, I would maybe not be able to sleep at all. I would become very outgoing and, you know, I'm, I'm an introvert, but I would become an extrovert.

I would make friends very quickly all of a sudden. I would definitely have rapid speech and racing thoughts, extreme racing thoughts. And there were times that I went into psychosis. I mean, probably because of the lack of sleep, but, you know, my first manic episode, the one that got me diagnosed, I experienced quite a bit.

Of hallucinations, delusions. I can talk a little bit about that. I, I thought that I was addicted to water because I was having such excessive thirst. I thought that I had. I suddenly realized that I had multiple personalities that I thought I'd fused into one, because I was having this very strange, like almost electric, energetic feeling that I'd never felt before.

I thought that I had X-ray vision. I mean, this all happened very quickly. I thought that the devil pushed me out of the bunk bed and the dorm that I lived in. I mean, yeah. And over the years before I got on this second mood stabilizer, I did have some psychosis then as well. But not, not every time, I mean, not for every manic episode, but mostly what stands out to me is, you know, the lack of sleep and the racing thoughts.

I mean, to the point of.

Anna: Terrible headaches. All very common. And you mentioned that now you sometimes get a bit hypomanic. Do you still get a bit of depression too?

Jess: I do. I can go into depression, but I go into hypomania more often.

Anna: What's it like for you when you do go into depression?

Jess: It's honestly, to me, it's the worst.

It's the worst symptom. I. I'm the type of person when I go into depression, I feel just sort of nothing. I feel completely empty. There's not so much sadness as there is emptiness, but it's a terrible feeling. I also, well, I. Maybe I should have a little trigger warning. I won't go into too much detail, but I do tend to have suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, and it usually presents itself where I just see images, not necessarily of myself usually.

I mean, not myself. See images of people. You know, doing terrible things, ending their lives in some way. And it's almost like it haunts me. And that's why, to me, depression is, is definitely the worst thing that I experienced. I.

Anna: That's understandable and I think it is important to talk about this because then people who may have the same symptoms don't feel so alone and they don't think that there's something wrong with them for experiencing this, when in fact it's just depression doing this to our brains,

Jess: right?

I mean, this is the scariest time for me because it is the time that I feel so vulnerable and I feel like. There's never been a time where I've attempted to, you know, end my life or really wanted to, but I feel like I'm sort of being pulled, pulled in to do that, and it's so scary. So I really, I really feel for people who suffer from depression, you know, even if you don't have bipolar, I mean, it's.

It's just such a scary time and I definitely don't enjoy mania or hypomania. I'm not the kind of person who does, because at this point I only experience mixed states. I no longer just have straight hypomania, so that's not fun either. But I'll take the hypomania over depression.

Anna: If I had to pick, I would definitely pick hypomania over depression any day.

Not that either. One is great, but one is definitely, like you said, you don't have as much suicidality, for example. You feel more energetic. It's definitely, clearly the better one of the two if you had to pick one. And just now, since you are doing quite well with some episodes here and there, what would you say are some of your biggest challenges?

Jess: My biggest challenges are if I am under a lot of stress or anxiety, and I am, I'm trying to combat it with, you know, lifestyle changes and my meds, but there's going to become, there's going to be a tipping point where I can no longer control if I go into. Usually hypomania. I start to feel very uncomfortable and scared because I know that if I truly go into hypomania, I can't, I can't really take care of my child anymore.

Like things have to be shifted in our family and, you know, we have to shift to taking care of me. And so that's my first concern is I don't want that to happen. And the second concern, I guess is because I do work full-time and I want to be able to continue, continue working because my hypomanic episodes are pretty lengthy, so I know if I go into it, it's going to be at least a month.

Usually that's on the short side. Usually it's more like. A month to two months. So like a month and a half would be probably the average length of time. So it's just like as soon as it's sort of, I reach that tipping point and I know like, okay, there's no turning back. I'm definitely gonna go into hypomania.

It's only a matter of time. It's just knowing that I'm gonna have to deal with it for that long and that it could affect my family and my work, and that that is just hard for me to accept.

Anna: Yeah I can relate to that. I am a mom as well and I have my business of being a psychotherapist, and it breaks my heart to think of me not being able to be there for my clients and not being able to do my job because I know it would affect other people as well.

It's not just about me.

Jess: Definitely. I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure your husband also. Is like sort of ready and willing to step in. And that's how my husband is. But it's just, you know, it makes life so much harder for everyone, not just me. And that's what I don't like about it. It's like, I know I'm gonna have to deal with this from time to time.

I don't want to trust me. I don't want to at all, but I don't like how it sort of affects everyone around me. And you know. It can, it can come at a bad time. Like it could come, it's like a holiday, or I could be hosting a holiday, or it could be my daughter's birthday, or it could be, you know, any different time where it's like, really poor timing.

Maybe I have a work trip. I mean, this doesn't usually happen. I'm usually, you know, super careful around those times, but you know, it's not really always up to me. Jess, what inspired you to start your YouTube channel? Well, once I announced having bipolar publicly, you know, on Facebook and on Instagram, I started my blog and I started writing about a lot of different things, and then I just realized, you know, there's a better way I could do this.

To me that better way was on YouTube because in writing, I'm not like a natural writer. It's not something I enjoy particularly, but I, I do my best. And sometimes I did enjoy it, but to me it's just so much easier if I can just sit down with a camera and just start talking and I can edit things out if I make a mistake.

So it's really not a big deal and I just thought. This is sort of, this is the future, really. I mean, people don't want to read a blog post that is lengthy. So what I really do now is mostly. I do posts on Facebook, and it's funny because my posts on Facebook and Instagram are very different. There's very different audiences for me, at least on those two social media sites.

So on Facebook, it's geared towards people who don't have bipolar. And on Instagram it's more geared towards people who do. And then on YouTube it's sort of like, I don't know, I guess it's more geared towards everyone. But I do it because I think it's fun and I, so I enjoy it, but I also think it's an easier way to reach more people.

And something I didn't mention in, in my intro was I also am a speaker for NAMI for the National Alliance and Mental Illness, and I mostly just talk to high school students. I tell them my story about bipolar, my diagnosis, my life now, and it's sort of another way to reach people in that way.

Anna: And NAMI is a great organization, so it's great to hear that you do that.

And I can only imagine how helpful it is for high school students who may be going through these symptoms to hear from somebody with this lived experience.

Jess: I really enjoy it. It is nerve wracking like. It's one of those things where if I wasn't, sort of where I am now with bipolar, where I don't have symptoms all that often, I couldn't do any of these things and I shouldn't be because it, it is sort of taxing and it makes me anxious speaking especially to the high school students because it's like, it's not in person any right now.

It's still on Zoom, but. You are speaking live. So it is, you know, for me it's, it's a little difficult, but I get so much out of it and I hope they get something out of it. Yeah, so I just, I really enjoy at this point. I mean, my life is so public and I would never want to go back. I mean, I just. I really love owning that I have bipolar and talking to people about it, and I think some people will come to me and they're like, I would've never guessed you had bipolar.

And it's like, I don't really know exactly how to take that, but in a way it's like, that's exactly why I'm doing it. I mean, there are probably lots of, like so many people have come out of the woodwork and message me, like people that. I went to high school or college with, I didn't know they had bipolar.

I mean, they only messaged me and talked to me about it because I came out with it. So I just, I do really enjoy it and I love having friends who have bipolar too. That's like a, the greatest side effect of all of this. So yeah, I'm just gonna keep, keep doing the YouTube videos.

Anna: Wonderful. I certainly hope you do.

And in your videos you talk about making lifestyle changes and how that's just as important as taking medication. Maybe you can walk me through some specific lifestyle changes that you've made to improve your symptoms.

Jess: Sure. I've made a lot of them, so I won't be able to tell you them all now, of course, but the biggest change I've made is with my sleep.

I think the number one change that every person with bipolar should make if they haven't already is having a really solid sleep routine. Making sure you sleep enough hours each night. I know for me, I have to sleep at least, at least eight and a half hours. It's better if I get nine hours, but for some people, you know, it might not be that much.

But doing that consistently is so important. There's a lot of changes I've made in terms of my job. I went from working in the office to fully remote and telecommuting, and that was a really good change for me. Also just the nature of my job is that I don't really work with people that much. A lot of my work is on my own and for me, again, that's just.

Is much better because I get a little social anxiety when I'm working with people, although I do have meetings with coworkers and things like that. But, so that has been a great change. Let's see. I also, I no longer drink coffee or have any caffeine. I gave up alcohol completely last year. I, I didn't drink very often before that, I didn't have a problem with alcohol, but I did notice that it would make me extremely tired and my sleep would be disrupted after I drank.

So I stopped doing that. And some little things that I do. Like I said, I can't name everything but some little things, like I don't watch the news. You know, I read the news and I'm careful about what I read. The same with movies and tv. I'm not gonna watch anything that's very violent or that would just upset me personally.

Like, I don't like seeing. Movies or shows where children are being hurt in some way. That's really upsetting to me, so I don't watch that. It's just trying to avoid any unnecessary stress or anxiety in my life is basically what I do.

Anna: I love that. Those are some very interesting changes because I don't think a lot of people would think about being more mindful about the kind of media they consume, and yet that makes so much sense that, like you said, it's unnecessary stress on our brains.

Jess: Definitely. I try to like anything external and not just, just anything in my life, I try to almost like I, I will still. Be like, I don't want you to think I am not like a good partner, but I will also kind of compartmentalize and separate myself. Like for instance, if my husband is telling me a story and, and it's a, it's a very.

It's a violent story. It's, you know, it's real life, something that happened. I will listen and I will, you know, definitely have empathy, but I will also maybe not ask a lot of follow up questions. I will sort of make sure that this doesn't intrude upon my, my illness.

Anna: Having those boundaries, those internal boundaries of I'm not going to do what I know might hurt me.

Exactly. And Justin, one of your videos, if I remember correctly, you also mentioned changing your Circle of Friends as one of those lifestyle changes. Could you say something about that? Sure. Well,

Jess: that was more when I was in my twenties and I was, you know, in the phase of going out late at night. And drinking.

And that was not so great for me at all. So I was having a lot of cycling and with the friends I had at that time, you know, they enjoyed these things as they should have. I, so it wasn't really a problem in that way, but for me, I realized at some point that. It was really hurting me and it was really causing me a lot of cycling.

And then, you know, if I was having bipolar symptoms, I couldn't go out at all. I couldn't. I couldn't meet up with friends at all. I couldn't. And then that was causing problems too, because they would be calling me and texting me and I wouldn't reply to their texts. And it was just becoming a bad cycle.

And at some point I was starting to get more into my relationship. With my now husband and I started to realize that I didn't have as much in common with these girls as I thought I did. And a lot of what was in common was the socializing and, and going out late. And so I did sort of move away from some of those friendships and.

You know, I still kind of keep in touch with at least one of them, but I did kind of have to move on and just, it became easier to if, when I found friends who were more like me, or at least understanding of my

Anna: limitations. Yeah, once again, it's I think there's a saying of you become the average of the five people you hang out with the most, something to that extent.

So I could see how changing your circle once again, not because there's anything wrong with those people, but because of the activities you engage in together can be helpful in managing symptoms.

Jess: Yeah, I've never heard that, but that does make a lot of sense and I agree with it.

Anna: So, Jess, what would you recommend for those of my listeners who aren't sure where to start, out of all of your lifestyle changes, what would be a good little place to begin?

Definitely

Jess: 100% sleep. Sleep needs to be the first thing that anyone with bipolar takes charge of, at least in my opinion. I think once I got a handle on my sleep and how much sleep I needed, and I really, I need a lot and I make that a priority. And like I said, I just put out this YouTube video about sleep and it talks about all the different things that I do to set myself up for success for sleep, like before I even get in the bedroom.

And then what I do once I am in the bedroom. All the different things. Like for instance, for many years I didn't know about these things, but like I use earplugs and that was like a whole different world of sleep. And really, for me at least sound I would wake up a lot because of sounds like I was a light sleeper.

And so that really changed my sleep for the better. And then just having a routine I. If you have a routine, it's so much easier to get into that routine and you're just sort of moving through it without even thinking really. And I think that can help if you just have this set routine. And for me that includes reading.

Every night. I have to, I usually read for about a half an hour before I go to sleep, and I, I enjoy reading, but it's also to make sure I can fall asleep easily because I read until I'm basically starting to fall asleep. And then, and, and for some reason that always is about a half an hour each night.

Anna: It's great to have that routine and sleep. I couldn't agree more. I think it's also the number one thing that people need to work on if they want more stability in their life. Yeah, definitely. Do you use therapy

Jess: as a tool? I do. So I know this is uncommon. Sorry. This is uncommon, but I actually do therapy with my psychiatrist.

Now I only see my psychiatrist about about once a month usually, sometimes once every two months. But he has been wonderful with therapy. It's mostly like we talk about very specific things, so I don't know what type of therapy it is, but we very much talk about everything that has happened since my last session.

It doesn't have to necessarily have to do with bipolar specifically, but just different things that could have caused a problem. And then what's upcoming? He asks me about any physical problems. If there's going to be like, let's say an event coming up that I'm very nervous about, we kind of make a whole plan together how I'm going to approach it.

Possibly changing my meds or upping meds or maybe not more, just like what I'm going to do at that event. And then I've also done other kinds of therapy. A few years ago I actually did some EMDR therapy dealing with some childhood trauma. I thought that was extremely helpful. It was, you know, I was at like a very kind of bad place.

And without that therapy, I mean, it would've, it would've gone on much, much longer. I've also done some couples therapy over the years. My husband and I, we definitely believe in, you know, going to therapy together here and there when we need it. I don't see that as being. Or showing that we don't have a good marriage.

I think it shows we have a, a great marriage that we're willing to work on things at times when needed. So we've done that a couple times and you know, we've learned some great communication skills and we've talked about my bipolar in those sessions at times. And he's learned ways to sort of cope on his own.

Also to help me at

Anna: times when I need it. I've also done couples therapy. I think that's important to, to disclose because you're right, some people out there think that if you go to couples therapy, that means your marriage or your relationship is in trouble, and that's not the case at all. It's so helpful, especially when one partner has bipolar because there's so, I mean, there's a different dynamic there when symptoms play up and it does.

Put some weight on the shoulders of the partner who doesn't have bipolar. Having a professional, be able to figure all of that out, give you some tools, I think can be really helpful.

Jess: Definitely. So I see my psychiatrist, like the therapy I do with him, I mean, I have the most amazing psychiatrist, honestly.

Like I used to live in Washington DC and now I live in Pittsburgh and I actually kept my psychiatrist and we have. Our appointments over Zoom. So he's that good that I didn't want to leave him, and I see that as sort of my maintenance therapy. It's just, it's just what I have to do to keep like the baseline and then I'll do other things when I need it.

I was actually in therapy when I got diagnosed all those years ago. I was in therapy. You know, before, before I even had my first manic episode.

Anna: Thank you for sharing all of that. And you know, to go to, to go back to EMDR, I think you're the third person so far on this podcast to mention it and how great it is for trauma.

I've done my own EMDR therapy. I use it with my clients as well, and I couldn't agree more. Yes, it's not designed for bipolar, but if there is a history of trauma, it can be so helpful in addressing that, that it does improve your symptoms overall, at least it seems to, for me.

Jess: Yes, definitely. I mean, it was, I actually did a whole blog post and I interviewed my therapist who did the EMDR because I thought, this is so interesting to me.

And it was, you know, I only, I think I did like four sessions and you know. I had, I had trauma that lasted, you know, over a year. So it wasn't gonna get rid of everything necessarily, or help treat everything, but it it was very effective and, yeah, I couldn't speak of it more highly.

Anna: Jess, I asked this question of all of my guests, do you believe that there are any strengths or positives about having bipolar?

There are,

Jess: but. You know, of course the negatives far outweigh the positives, but I will say there are, there are some positives. One thing that stands out would be, I feel, since, you know, being diagnosed with bipolar and living with it for all this time, I have become more empathetic. To others, not just with mental illnesses, but with any, any kind of problem in their lives.

So I do think that is a positive. I think if there are any other, I mean, the, the other positive is I do feel like I really enjoy being a bipolar advocate and. Learning from others and teaching others, and I would never be in this role of course, if I didn't have bipolar. But it is, you know, it, it's hard because having bipolar is, it's very difficult.

It, it adds something to your life that is not. It's not enjoyable and it's not something you wanna spend all this energy on, and, and I do spend a lot of energy to stay well, so it is hard to talk about the positives sometimes, but they're there.

Anna: Yeah, absolutely understand it most certainly is hard to think about it in any way as a positive or a strength, because given the choice, I would always say no, I would not like to have bipolar and with what we are given, like you mentioned that empathy, sometimes you do have to find something good that it brings to your life because unfortunately we don't have the choice of whether or not we have it.

Jess: Exactly. We will have it until. It's the end of our lives, so we have to continue to take care of ourselves and to also look for a way that it is a positive. I mean, I've met so many friends with bipolar through, mostly through Instagram. And these are wonderful people and I feel, you know, a kinship with them.

And I am so thankful for that because when I was diagnosed, there was no social media and I just didn't have that outlet. And so I'm just thankful that at least I do have this whole community.

Anna: I'm also very thankful for that community. It's our little corner of Instagram. I know there's other platforms as well, but I met so many great, wonderful people and most of them end up on this podcast just like yourself.

Jess: Yeah. It's really, it's, it's really brought something special to my life and has enriched my life in a way. I, I have a lot of friends, like my closest friends don't have bipolar, but. Having friends who do have bipolar and can understand you without you explaining, and even honestly even when I explain having bipolar to my friends who don't have it, even, you know, people who are very empathetic, they just don't understand and they kind of can't understand fully.

So yes, having this bipolar community on Instagram is really wonderful.

Anna: You led me right into my next question, which is what do you wish people who don't have bipolar understood better about those of us who do?

Jess: Well? This is hard. I do think that people don't understand, and I didn't fully understand this until more recently, that you can have bipolar to much different degrees.

Some people. Have it and it is much more difficult than others. So I would like for people to understand that. And because of that, there are people who have bipolar who truly cannot work, like maybe not even part-time, and that is okay. And that for those people, they. Need to be on disability, they need to not work.

And I think there are lots of people who don't understand that or think, oh, these people, maybe they're lazy, or maybe, you know, they're choosing not to work because they can. It's like, no, that is not the case. And I say that as someone who does work, you know, I understand that. I understand that there are different degrees.

Of having bipolar. And I also think people should understand how much time and energy, a lot of us, you know, with bipolar, really put into staying well and doing our best to live, live a life that is worth living and that is productive. It's not easy and. I also think people sometimes, you know, people kind of know that I have bipolar when I walk in the room at this point where I live at least.

And I think sometimes they don't see me as a person. They see me as some like a person with bipolar, but they don't just see me as a person and they don't allow me to show who I am. Without maybe having a little bit of judgment, and I would love to not have that. I would love to be accepted and seen as a full person and not just someone who has bipolar.

Anna: I would love that as well because you are right. Even when people try to be very accepting, it's still quite often I feel like I'm being viewed through the lens of somebody who has bipolar rather than just here I am as a person, as a human being. Yeah. Well, Jessica, you have given us so much good stuff here.

So much advice. Where can my listeners find you on YouTube and on Instagram and elsewhere?

Jess: Well, let's see. So on Facebook and Instagram, you can find me at r Bipolar, so it's OUR Bipolar and my blog, which there's a lot of good stuff on there from before. I haven't written lately, but there is a lot there.

That is r bipolar.com. And then on YouTube, my channel is also, it's called R

Anna: Bipolar. Wonderful. I will link all of those on the show notes. I am a huge fan of your YouTube channel and all of the other stuff you do, so I highly encourage all of my listeners to subscribe to your channel and just join you in general in this movement to spread awareness about bipolar and let people know that we don't bite.

Jess: Exactly. Yeah. Thank you so much. It was so nice to be here and talk to you. And I know we had like chit chatted a little bit on Instagram before, but to actually see your face and talk to you face to face is really nice.

Anna: Thank you, Jess. It's been wonderful to have you here to hear you share your story. I think it's really invaluable to hear about the changes that you've made and how effective they've been and how it's not easy to make those changes and maintain them.

So I hope my listeners can really take your advice to heart and start their own journey of healing. Thank you very much. Thank you, Anna. Thank you for listening today. Together we can battle this thing called bipolar and end stigma surrounding it. Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a review to help other people find courage to heal.

For my next episode, stay tuned for an interview with an artist who will share his views on bipolar and creativity. Until then, take care and stay courageous.